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How to Super Charge Your Relationship

Married adults now divorce two-and-a-half times as often as adults did 20 years ago and four times as often as they did 50 years ago… between 40% and 60% of new marriages will eventually end in divorce. The probability within… the first five years is 20%, and the probability of its ending within the first 10 years is 33%… Perhaps 25% of children ages 16 and under live with a stepparent. — Brian K. Williams, Stacy C. Sawyer, Carl M. Wahlstrom, Marriages, Families & Intimate Relationships, 2005

Have you jettisoned your relationship in the quest for your own goals and ambitions? If so, you are not alone!

Not only financial ramifications of a breakup or a divorce are severe, but emotional toll on the loved ones is equally devastating.

It’s been 25 years since the day I took vow to live life together with my wife. Like most married couples, we’ve had our sunny days filled with happiness and rainy days of setbacks together.

Tips to super charge your relationship


First and foremost step to a strong relationship is to develop selflessness. With selflessness, we learn to allow the voice of our partner to sink into our consciousness.

With selflessness, you develop altruistic inclination to do what’s in the best interest of your partner. Spend an hour a day to focus solely on the act of selflessness. Be empathetic by preparing a meal for your partner or by doing whatever that pleases your significant other.

Express Gratitude

I keep a diary to write everything that has come to fruition by the efforts of my wife. She takes care of my daughters. She prepares meals and she buys everything that my business needs daily. We have two beautiful, extremely intelligent young daughters who have learned the importance of character and values from my wife.

Write down the list of all the goodness that your alter ego has bestowed upon your life and revisit the list often to remain humble.

Spend time together

Allow an hour of your day to spend with your alter ego. As silly as it may sound, the compounding effect is invaluable. By spending time together walking or simply by talking about the day of your life, you create a value system that shares same passion and ideals for both of you. It also allows one another to understand and visualize the path of the future.

Try to spend time doing your “Wins and Realizations” where  you share what you learned during the day and what you realized. When one person is sharing, the other person is not allowed to talk, listening only. It’s such a fulfilling time and a great space for mutual growth.

Remember “Why” and “What”

It’s easy to allow anger and despair to cloud your awareness when going gets tough. At the moment of intense mental noise, remember why you entered into this relationship and what inspired you to gravitate towards your partner.

These two little words can do wonders to insure your relationship in the moment of crisis. You’ll feel rejuvenation in the spur of the moment by reflecting on the core values of the relationship.

Collaborative Exercise

Have you ridden on the wheels that needed an alignment? If you ignore the problem, a chatter magnifies into a larger issue as time goes. Life is no different. When we are out of alignment with our life goals, our chatter manifests into a precipitous disaster down the road.

Life Goals

A relationship is a journey based on faith and love. It’s an odyssey that never ends. Life goals align your values and dreams to develop common goals that you both feel excited about.

Take a journal and start writing everything that comes to your consciousness. Ask your partner to freely express what he or she wants from the life. This beautiful, serene conversation becomes the foundation of a stronger relationship.

Write your motto as a family, your social values, your financial goals and your lifestyle goals. Do not resist. Allow expressions to flow. You’ll be amazed at the sheer power of expressions when you align your life goals.

Develop Awareness

Awareness controls our emotions. Emotions arise from the unconscious state of egotist thoughts. Awareness repels our ego and allows us to witness the moment of crisis in our relationship without any stereotypical interjection of defense. It develops a deep consciousness to cultivate the truth with absolute clarity.

Often when we argue, we feel defensive. We interject thoughts that are poignant. This behavior becomes habit to the point that our emotional noise holds our consciousness hostage to ruin our relationship.

If both of you develop awareness to witness the moment of crisis without bias, a relationship with clarity and unshakable faith evolves.

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
-Woody Allen (1935-?) American director, actor and comedian.

Have you struggled to rejuvenate your relationship lately?Do you have any ideas to share?Let’s begin the conversation.

(Photo courtesy: Marcel Miramendi)

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Comments (29)

Spending time together is super important. Without nhat, you’ll eventualy grow aprt. The heart will not grow fonder wit absense, unless it is only for relatively brief, internittent periods.

Indeed, nothing is more important than to spend time together to build a healthy relationship.

It’s definitely important to spend time together – I have found that when I spend time with my boyfriend, sometimes I’m not really present. It’s easier to focus my attention on him when I’m away from the computer, tv, books, etcc.

I think that’s the reason it’s important to do nothing for an hour or so other than spending time together.

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Amazing advice. Spending an hour a day together and remembering the “why” and “what” particularly resonated with me.
I actually recently had to write a paper on marriage for school, and read some stuff by Stephanie Coontz of Evergreen State College. According to her research, divorce rates in this country were the highest they’ve ever been in the fifties. She also notes that not as many people get married as they did back then as it’s more socially acceptable to live with your partner outside of marriage and even have children without a ring.

That’s interesting statistics. Our economy was in great shape during 40s and 50s, so this statistics surprises me. I read somewhere that money is the prime reason for the divorce lately.

[…] “How to Super Charge Your Relationship” by Shilpan of Street Smart Finance […]

spending time apart is equally important I think.

my wife and I both allow for our different (as well as shared) interests and we pursue them separately.

Being forced to participate in or give up something important is sure to breed resentments.

We married 30 years ago this coming June and she is still my “Trophy Wife” :)

That’s interesting perspective Jim. I agree with you that being forced to participate or give up something important can breed resentments.

“Spend time together” is such a key. Time is all we have and too often it’s spent massively on low priorty things. But if you block proactively time for spending time together chances it will happen making the relationships stronger and richer.

Well said Alik. I like your idea of blocking time proactively.

Romance goes a long way with Mrs. 101.
18 years and still courting.
Great post, Shilpan.

That’s impressive 101. 18 years together is a great testimony of your steadfast commitment for each other.

I’ve heard many wise people say that without your relationships you really have nothing. These are all excellent steps to show your appreciation to your loved one and strengthen your commitment. Definitely communication and respect are among my top ingredients for a healthy marriage.

Without healthy relationship, life is lonely. Howard Hughes was one of the richest men in his time, but he used to asked his CEO to meet with him on every Christmas Eve just to talk to him.

Allow me first to congratulate both you and your wife on having such a successful marriage. You’ve reached a beautiful 25-year milestone, and you both deserve a great deal of respect and admiration.

The greatest aspect of any relationship is the willingness to make reasonable sacrifices in order to create a win-win bond between the two parties. If more people understood this, the U.S. divorce rate would be far less than what it is currently.

Willingness to make sacrifice is absolutely essential to maintain healthy relationship. Thank you for your kind words Anthony.

Terrific advice Shilpan! I think the numbers are so negative because people are jumping into marriage too loosely. Marriage is a big step and it should be carefully considered. Nowadays people divorce as if it is no big deal and just another type of break up.

I agree with you Buck. Marriage indeed is a life long commitment. With that said, there are marriages that are destined to end in divorces due to extreme situations, but our world would be a better place if more children are raised by both parents.

Great article. I think that selflessness is the most important. If two people in a relationship concentrate on giving rather than taking, then life will be heaven on earth for the both of them.

Amen Jon! I can’t agree with you more about selflessness. Thank you for visiting!

wow some very good tips here. We’re newlyweds here so still learning more about each other each day and will definately keep these in mind.

Congratulations Aaron!

I think that writing a list of everything my husband has/does that I need to show appreciation for is a great idea. We try to set life goals but I think I get more into it than he does and then I end up getting mad that he doesn’t seem to care.

We do try to keep communication good. And sometimes we set aside an hour or two a week to just talk about anything.

Constant communication creates transparency, which is essential for a healthy relationship. It also allows you to align your financial and spiritual goals with your alter ego.

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